The Soda Stain on the Backseat

We find many ways to keep a connection with our loved ones who are no longer with us. Sometimes we are purposeful and sometimes we may not even be aware of the things that we say or do to help us keep connected. Many people have had memory quilts or memory teddy bears made using their loved one’s clothing or they may wear a piece of jewelry or clothing that belonged to their loved one. Cooking a favorite meal, listening to a special song or watching a beloved movie are also ways to link us to those we yearn to see just one more time…. These are some of the things that may come to mind when thinking about this type of connection but what about the ways that aren’t as obvious? When talking to a friend whose husband died, she revealed that she hadn’t been able to use the last dishwasher gel pack since his death 14 months earlier. That gel pack was the remaining one from a box that she had been using while her husband was alive and when he died she felt like in some odd way it was a connection to him-a reminder of when he was full of life and vibrant. Other friends told of the bottle of Coca-Cola that they had kept in their refrigerator for the past 3 years since their daughter died. Their daughter had requested the special old-fashioned, glass bottle of Coke before she died but sadly she was never able to enjoy it. Her parents couldn’t bring themselves to throw it away so they’ve kept it in the same spot in the refrigerator all of this time and often it will catch their eye and bring a smile and happy memory. A few years ago when our 11 year old son was riding in the backseat of his grandparent’s Buick, he spilled his soda on the cloth seat. They tried to soak up as much of it as they could but couldn’t get it to completely disappear. He died a few months later and although almost five years have passed, that stain serves as a reminder of him and brings comfort to his grandparents every time they see it. Are there some “unconventional” ways that you connect with your loved one? Do you have some unique linking objects? There isn’t a right or wrong way to connect to your loved one, what may seem odd to one person may bring overwhelming comfort to another.

Published by melindaruppertlcpc

I am a licensed clinical professional counselor in Maryland specializing in grief and loss.

One thought on “The Soda Stain on the Backseat

  1. love this post, Melinda. It reminded me of pomegranates!!. When I was little my Mom would by a pomegranate in the fall and for some reason it just seemed weird to my child’s mind. She died in the month of May and for many reasons grief was put “on hold”. One day the following October I was at the grocery store and happened to see the pomegranates on display. I’m sure everyone around me wondered why this strange lady was sobbing over the pomegranates. 🙂 Thankfully it now makes me smile and remember her when they arrive each fall 🙂
    Hugs, L

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