Before and After


Typically we think of “before and after” in terms of weight loss results, a new haircut or a home makeover. These are usually fun and exciting and it’s interesting to see such transformations. The “before and after” that I am referring to is the person we were before the death of our loved one and the person we are now, after the loss. This type of transformation is often not one that we asked for, it can feel like it was thrust upon us without an invitation. Honestly, it is another type of loss, the loss of our familiar selves. Death changes us and navigating who we have become can be challenging. I will say that sometimes we are changed in positive ways as our perspective and outlook on life changes as well. Sometimes we may find a new purpose in life as we put back together those pieces of ourselves that have been shattered by the death of a loved one but sometimes there may be certain aspects of our personality that are unfamiliar to not only those closest to us but to ourselves. If we were once bubbly and outgoing we may now be reserved and quiet. If we were always the “go to” person for planning social events or hosting family dinners we may now prefer to stay home. It’s confusing. Acknowledging that you may not be the person you were before the death and letting people know what you need is very important and helpful to let those around you know how to be supportive.

If you need grief and loss support I offer individual counseling and support groups. I can reached at 240-298-2442 or

Published by melindaruppertlcpc

I am a licensed clinical professional counselor in Maryland specializing in grief and loss.

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