Well, it has happened. Yup, I just saw the first holiday commercial of the season and it wasn’t for toys or jewelry or cars (I still don’t get that one), it was for of all things-PANCAKES! Not just plain boring pancakes but fun, holiday flavors…..geesh!
For those of us grieving, it can be an unwelcome sight to be assaulted by holiday commercials this soon. I understand that for others it is exciting to start thinking about the 2017 holiday season-the twinkly lights, holiday music, gingerbread cookies and hot cocoa. The one thing that both sets of people have in common is anticipation. Anticipation in regard to those who are grieving means that they are dreading facing the tough holiday season ahead. This signifies yet another special time of the year without their precious loved one. Oftentimes the anticipation is worse than the actual day or event. It can feel much like being on a roller coaster and sitting at the peak of a huge hill-you’re grasping the safety bar with both hands, your stomach is a little queasy and you’re waiting to take the plunge downward. There’s so much “build up” to the holidays especially and sometimes it feels like we have no way to protect ourselves emotionally during this time of the year. Although it is a very meaningful time for many of us, it brings with it intense memories of years past and this magnifies the fact that our loved one is no longer physically here.
Be gentle with yourself during this difficult time and most importantly let others know what you need. Those who are experiencing the unpredictability of grief are looking at the world through a different filter especially during the holiday season. If you or someone you know is in need of grief and loss counseling, I can help. I can be reached at 240-298-2442 or melinda@melindaruppert.com
As a grief counselor I would have to say that I talk with clients about this topic so often. It is so common for people to wrestle with the idea of what to do with their loved one’s possessions. Just thinking about even opening a drawer or closet and looking at a loved one’s clothing or having to sort through a stuffed animal collection or decide whether or not to keep a favorite, special piece of furniture is overwhelmingly sad. And even more difficult for some people is having to handle personal care items such as a comb or hairbrush, perfume or cologne or a toothbrush. In the midst of grief it is excruciating having to make decisions about what to keep, sell, donate or give away and this can evoke so much stress and anguish. Some people feel as if they are on a timeline either due to expectations and pressure from others or they truly have timelines that need to be met due to legal situations (handling an estate or preparing a house to sell for example). In the case of offers from family and friends to help sort or clean out a loved one’s things, I would advise that if you are really ready to do this then it may be comforting to have someone you trust help and share this experience. On the other hand, be aware of those who may try to pressure you or make you feel as if this is something that HAS to be done. You will know when the time is right….when you are able to look at your loved one’s possessions and think of a special memory or imagine their things bringing joy or purpose to someone else, that may be a sign for you that it’s time. One idea to get started is to just do a little at a time, start with a drawer or closet and gradually add to the task as time goes on. And if this takes you a few weeks, months or years, it’s okay!
